Saturday, June 5, 2010

Formspring: Place where anonymous people may or may not beat the shit out of you

Formspring. Place where you can ask questions about anything that pops out of your head.

Formspring. Place where you can harass people without them knowing it was actually you.

Sadly, formspring has become the number one site that crappy insecure teenagers can beat the shit out of some innocent (or maybe not) fellow teenager of theirs. Come to think of it, that could actually be a fun thing to do. If you're an insecure little bitch who has nothing good to do in your life.

You might be wondering, "Horm, why are you babbling about formspring? Formspring is so last season!!". Well, I myself have no clue as to why I am talking about formspring. Hormones raging, maybe?

If you're being harassed by some low-life, here are some lessons that might come in handy. Or not:

1. Be calm about it. Don't just scream and be hysterical about it.
2. Assess yourself. Think about the things you have done in the past. Think of things that may have caused the stir in that particualar person's emotions. Maybe you've done something bad that came across as offensive to another person.
3. Assess the person who harassed you. Maybe the person's having some daddy issues. Maybe it's just that time of the month. Maybe he/she is jealous. Maybe he/she is a douche bag who is born to give you a freaking hard time.

If that doesn't help enlighten you as to why you have haters on formspring, then this might be it:

1. You are a total bitch.
2. You are selective to the people whom you show your good side.
3. You're just one of those persons that people love to hate.
4. You're misunderstood.
5. You're a jerk.

Now that you've been enlightened as to why people hate you, the next thing I'll tell you is how to deal with them. Now, there are 4 ways to react to a certain harassment. The Angel, the Douche, the Crybaby, and the Indifferent.

Here's an example formspring harassment:
You're a bitch. Go fuck yourself! You're an insecure little bitch who can't fit in! *blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah*

Here's how the Angel would deal with it:

"Hi. May I know who you are? You seem to be angry at me. Perhaps we could talk things over and possibly resolve these matters."

Obviously, the Douche would do the opposite.

"You fuck yourself bitch. You think you can boss me with that? HAH. Man up and tell me who the fuck you are! I'll cut your head off and chop off your dick! !#$!#$!%$%%$#!@##$%#@"
 (You see, I could have placed more bad words in this example but you might not be able to handle it. In short, the douche will use more insults and much, much, much more profanity.)

Here's how the Crybaby will handle the situation:

The Crybaby may or may not reply to the message of the harasser. Either way, the person will, obviously cry. And cry. And cry more. Until he/she can no longer remember what he/she is crying about. After crying a ridiculous amount of tears, the Crybaby will run a monologue on how life is unfair and his/her wishes to die on this very moment. The monologue will be most likely this:
"Huhuhuhuhuhu. This world is so unfair!! *sniff* Why does everyone hate me? Huhuhu I want to dieeeeeeee."

Finally, the Indifferent. Probably the most noble of all the people being harassed on formspring.

When the Indifferent sees the message, he/she will probably just stare at it. Then delete it. Or post it. Without any reactions. If the person does react, he/she will probably say something like this:
"Fuck this. I'm going to watch Smosh or Gradualreport on youtube instead."

So which one are you?





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